I miss Autumn

Autumn

Golden Leaves
Yellow Sheaves
Chocolate Trees
Lazy Bees

Orange Flowers
Red Apples
Mellow Sun
Lotsa Fun

Apple Ciders
Hidden Spiders
Chilly Hayrides
Pumkin Pies

Queen of Night
Moon so Bright
King of Day
Sun so Gay

Summers End
New School Trend
School Uniform
Thunder Storm

The longest survey you'll ever fill out! Do the world a favor: fill it out and post it for all your friends.... Do this because the person who sent it to you didn't sit here for ages for nothing. Answer all the questions honestly, no lying to avoid stuff.

Time started: 11:40 am
Full Name: JoyAnna Suzette Neiner
Single or Taken: Single
Sex: Female
Birthday: June 26 1980
Siblings: Brother Justin and Sister Janis
Eye color: hazel
Shoe size: 7 ½ Height: 5'9”
Innie or Outie: Innie
What are you wearing right now: Black pants, pink sweater and burgandy suit jacket
Job: Consulting Services
Where do you live: D.C.
Righty or lefty: righty
Can you make a dollar in change right now: no
----------------------Relationships-----------------------
Who are your closest friends: Sarah, Beth, Shriggles
Do you have a BF or GF?: nope
Did you send this to your crush? None to send to
Best place to go for a date: not sure, there is tons to do here but not really sure what would be best for a date.
----------------------Favorites...---------------------
Favorite place to shop: Gap, Ann Taylor, Old Navy
Favorite kind of pants: jeans
Color(s): yellow, red, green, pink
Number(s): 31
Boys Name: Nathaniel Burton
Girls Name: not sure
Animal: dog but I have a cat
Drink: cherry coke or vanilla coke
Sport(s): football, basketball, and soccer
Fast-Food Place: don’t like fast food
Month: September
Movie: Hunt For Red October, Pride and Prejudice (A&E),Bourne Identity
Juice: crangrape
Finger: ?!?!?!?!
Breakfast: wheaties
Favorite cartoon character: woody wood pecker
-----------------Have you ever---------------------
Given anyone a bath: noo
Smoked: no
Bungee: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Eaten a dog: a hot dog yes, but a dog no
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no
Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yeah but I was stupid then
Broken a bone: nope
Played truth or dare: yess
Been in a physical fight: yes
Been in a police car: yeah
Been on a plane: yeah
Come close to dying: no
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: yess
Fallen asleep in school: no
Ran away?: yes
Broken someone's heart: nope
Cried when someone died: uh duh yeah
Cried in school: college
Fell off your chair: yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? No
Saved AIM conversations: yes
Saved e-mails: yeah
Fallen for one of your best friends? Kinda sorta not really
Made out with JUST a friend? no
Used someone: no
Been cheated on? Kinda sorta not really
----------------What is...------------------
Your good luck charm: none
Best song you ever heard: TONS
Stupidest thing you have ever done: you don’t want to know and I can’t remember
What's your room like: kind of messy right now as I just got back from visiting my family over Christmas.
Last thing you said: it’s turned off, you can’t use it
What kind of shampoo do you use?: suave
Best thing that has happened to you this year: not sure
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: I was mugged
----------------Have I had..-----------------
Chicken pox: yes
Sore Throat: yes
Stitches: quite a few
Broken nose: Yes
--------------Do You/Would you?/Who?-----------------
Believe in love at first sight: yes
Like picnics: yes
Like school: absolutely, I would be a career student if I could afford it.
If you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you: that’s tough, probably Sarah, Beth, Shrigg and my Mom
Who was the last person that called you: Sarah
Who was the last person you slow danced with: I can’t remember
Who makes you laugh the most? Beth, Sarah and Shrig
-----------Who is the last person---------------
You yelled at: the cops
Who broke your heart: nobody’s business but mine
Is your loudest friend? Sarah and Shriggles
-----------Do you/Are You:------------
Do you like filling these out: I guess, we’re dead at work today so it gives me something to do.
Do you wear contacts or glases: contacts
Do you like yourself: I guess, I haven’t killed myself yet
Do you get along with your family: for the most part yes
Stolen anything: yeah
Obsessive: compulsive, yes
Anorexic?: NO WAY
Suicidal?: Uh uh nope
-------------Final questions------------
How many people are you sending this to: none
What are you listening to right now? KLOVE
What did you do yesterday: Drove my PopPop home to Philly and then drove home to D.C.
Hated someone in your family: at one point
Gotten any awards: yeah
What car do you wish to have: A Honda Accord EX, silver
Where do you want to get married: don’t know yet
If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: my weight
Good driver: fast but safe
Good Singer: used to be, haven’t done it in quite some time
Have a lava lamp: nope
How many remote controls are in your house: 3, tv, dvd, and stereo
Are you double jointed: nope
What do you dream about: I don’t remember
Last time you showered: today
Last time you took a bath: years ago
The last movie you saw at the theatre: The Family Stone
Scary or happy movies: Happy
black or white: both
Root Beer or Dr.Pepper: Root Beer
Mud or Jell-O wrestling: uhh.. tough choice
Vanilla or chocolate: chocolate
Skiing or Boarding: skiing
fall or winter: I LOVE FALL!!!
Silver or Gold: Silver
Diamond or pearl: pearls
Sunset or Sunrise: both are equally beautiful when I get the chance to see them.
Sprite or 7up: sprite
Orange juice or apple juice: apple
Cats or dogs: dogs
Coffee or tea: coffee
Phone or in person: in person
Are you Oldest, middle, or youngest? oldest
Indoor or Outdoor: both
Time completed: 12:00pm

Today is the Day

Yay!!! I leave today for Christmas vacation. I am so excited. I have to get out of the office by 11:30 AM at the latest and to the airport by noon. At the airport I will pick up my rented car and head to my house to pack it. Doing all this while on crutches!!! Then I head to Quakertown, PA to spend the night at my PopPop's and the next morning we will leave for my parents place in State College. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Almost done!

The Holiday Season is almost passed. I am so thrilled. We had our company All Hands meeting this week as well as our Holiday party and Kid's Holiday party and a couple of training classes. On top of all that I was injured on Monday and ended up on crutches. I also got a bit of a cold but that passed quickly. But, the week is over and I am still alive. This coming week brings two training courses and then I am leaving on Thursday afternoon and will not be back until the following Thursday. I am so looking forward to it. Well I will chat later. Night everyone!!!!!

Spidey Senses

So anyway yesterday was a disaster. I was up at 5:30 Am for work and my knee was worse than ever. It was slightly swollen and very sore. As the day continued to progress my leg got increasingly more swollen and more intensely painful. After work at around 7:30 pm. My friend Mike picked me up from work and took me to the ER. I spent basically the entire night then in the ER. I finally go home around 4:30 AM. They couldn't even tell me what was wrong. First they x-rayed and said there was nothing there. Then they sonogramed the leg and hte technician said there was a little fluid on the knee but no blood clots, which was their chief concern. Never get a sonogram, it hurts like the sticking dickens. So anyway, when all was said and done they said it might be a sprain with a little fluid on the knee. They gave me crutches and tylenol w/codeine (which I am allergic to and told them about) brilliant people I tell ya. And then they sent me home. I am so exhausted today that I feel that I could fall asleep at the front desk here without a second thought. The rest of this week is going to be absolutely crazy as I try to manuever through life on a pair of crutches with intense pain and handle all the work ahead of me. Please pray for me, anyone who is reading this.

Breathe

Wow!! I actually have one or two minutes to myself, to breathe and sit down. So I did something to my knee yesterday but I am not sure what. I woke up yesterday feelin' fine, except a little tired and went to work. We really didn't do any kind of moving or heavy work but about two hours into the day my knee started hurting. At first I thought it would just go away as previous knee pain usually did. However this time the pain stayed in my knee where it festered and caused it to swell and ache continually worse. So I went hom enad laid down, putting my heating pad directly on the knee and being sure to move carefully. However when i woke up this morning it seems to be swollen worse and it definitely hurts worse.

In good news, I found out that I will definitely be able to take an extra day at Christmas. I am so excited. So I am leaving Thursday after work and returning the next Thursday morning. I am so excited because I will get to take my kitten with me and pick up my Grandfather and I will get to see my best friend from high school again. It will be a good time.

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay so I've worked 47 hours in 4 days and I still have a full 8-9 hour day ahead of me tomorrow. Can I say I just want to sleep forever and never wake up. I am so exhausted. The only perk...OVER TIME! 16 hours of time and a half pay.

door mat!

I have finally realized that I let myself be too much of a doormat. I found out this week that our newest receptionist in the line that replaced me is moving into consulting work. I AM REALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!! I mean I am excited for her because, being at the front desk gets very boring very quickly but it really ticks me off that I did the same job that she did and more for all the different BU's to try to get noticed and all I get, is moved into facilities doing basically more administrative work. Not only that, but because I so badly want to move into consulting, people know I will do what's necessary to prove that I can do it and they are beginning to take advantage of me and take me for granted. I will be really really really really really really upset if review, raise and bonus time comes and I don't get one I will be more than ready to quit my job.

door mat!

I have finally realized that I let myself be too much of a doormat. I found out this week that our newest receptionist in the line that replaced me is moving into consulting work. I AM REALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!! I mean I am excited for her because, being at the front desk gets very boring very quickly but it really ticks me off that I did the same job that she did and more for all the different BU's to try to get noticed and all I get, is moved into facilities doing basically more administrative work. Not only that, but because I so badly want to move into consulting, people know I will do what's necessary to prove that I can do it and they are beginning to take advantage of me and take me for granted. I will be really really really really really really upset if review, raise and bonus time comes and I don't get one I will be more than ready to quit my job.

Christmas is coming!!!

I can officially listen to Christmas music and be happy about it. :-) I really can't stand how Christmas has become so commercialized, so I don't listen to Christmas music or put up any decorations until after Thanksgiving and the first day of December.

It is just beginning to feel like winter down here in DC. It was 33 this morning when I got up, however I am still not wearing a coat yet because it isn't quite that cold. The sad thing is seeing all these people walking around bundled up like they are going through a freezing spell. I guess you get tough when you grow up in PA and live in NE PA where it starts snowing on Halloween.

So Christmas plans as of right now are:
Rent a car
Leave Dec. 23rd
Pick up PopPop
Head to State College
Last minute stocking stuffers buying
Christmas at Grandmum's
Recovery day
Take PopPop home and head back to DC
Then it's back to the old grind stone.

more to come....

Turkey Day 2!!!!

Well, so Shrig and I cooked a 12 pound turkey. We also had green bean casserole, yams, asparagus, salad, rolls, stuffing, cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes. By the time we ate around 5:30PM we were so tired from cooking all day that we, barely ate anything. We were so stuffed so quickly that we ended up all taking a nap on the couches. We got up in time to see the Denver Broncos beat the Dallas Cowboys 24-21. I was very happy about, as I really don't like the Cowboys. So anyway, then we cleaned up and had german chocolate cake, pumkin pie and sweet potatoe pie. It was very good. Then I watched CSI and Without A Trace. Then we just hung out and talked. Shrig and I made plans for our trip into NYC tomorrow. We are going to leave here around 8 am and spend the entire day in the city. We are going to try to go to Seredipity 3 and Tiffany's. We don't have any definite plans but to have fun. It is going to be cold though so we will have to bundle up. Anyway. Good Night and hope everyone had a great time with family and friends this Thanksgiving. God Bless you all.

Turkey DAY!!!!!!

It's turkey day and I LOVE TURKEY!!!!!!! I am in New Jersey, with my best friend from high school, Shriggles. I got here at 2 AM on Wed. morning. Yesterday we went to the vet for her cat and then to the pet store, panera, and then Barnes and Noble (my second most favorite place in the world). Today we are venturing into the world of cooking turkey and all the other essentials of a good Thanksgiving dinner. I will post more later!!!!

From Lavendar and Laughter

This is post from my Best Friend blog that totally reminded me of just how much He loves me!!!!!!! http://lavenderandlaughter.blogspot.com/

When the Pieces are Shattered
I was once a glass vase. We all were…like the vases in the craft section at Wal-Mart. All the vases are the same. All of them are plain and cheap: mass produced. Then Life picked up the vase that was me and threw it on the pavement. It shattered.

I have experienced every emotion, every confusion, every hurt of those shattered pieces. I’ve been angry, “God, why didn’t You protect me?” I’ve been scared of all the sharp pieces of glass. I’ve been confused: how do I put myself together again? I’ve been lost: what can I do in life if I’m not whole? I’ve been overwhelmed: there’s too many pieces. I’ve been hopeful: maybe I can fix it with super glue. I’ve tried to use the pieces to help in God’s work. I’ve also used the pieces to deepen my self-pity.

Even as I experience my questions and emotions in endless cycles, God is busy. One by one, He takes each little piece of glass and puts it in place. I question Him, “God, that isn’t where it goes…I’m not going to be a vase if you keep this up!” He continues to put pieces together. It looks odd. And it still hurts.

But eventually, there is my life…not glued with superglue and not a mass produced vase, but a unique sculpture. Each angle of glass reflects the light. The lines from the breaks create a diamond-like effect. No one else’s sculpture looks like mine. And it is beautiful.

If You're Not the One

Daniel Bedingfield has my heart in his song!

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
I'll never know what the future brings, but I know your here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with.

I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you in my life?
I don't know why its so far away, but I know that this much is true,
We'll make it through, and I hope you are the one I share my life with.
And I wish that you could be the one I die with.
And I'm prayin your the one I build my home with.
I hope I love you all my life.

I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Cause I miss you, body and soul, so strong that it takes my breath away.
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today,
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side.

I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that i can stay in your arms?

The weekend

Well this past week and weekend flew by like it never even happened. In class I had a research paper due by 2am MST Monday morning as well as a case study. I got the case study done in time and got the paper finally turned in by 2:30 AM EST. Then I had to be up for work at 5:30 AM and I must say I am totally running on adrenaline right now.

As for the weekend, I took the bus to Baltimore and met a friend from college to head to Scranton. We went to see another friend and her baby. We had a good time though we were all stressed. Jenn is a teacher and had to grade papers and work on lesson plans, Sarah is student teaching and had to work on lesson plans and I had my research paper to work on and the case study.

We got in around 8:30 PM Friday night and ended up staying up until midnight catching up and talking. Saturday I got myself in trouble with "the family." I have lived with the Boyles previously and have been adopted by "the family" as one of them. Well Sarah's cousin Jeneane was having a birthday party for her little girl Celia and Jenn and I were invited. We decided to not go as we both had so much work to do. We opted instead to head the Northern Lights cafe in downtown Scranton, that is owned by another friends father. Well anyway, when Jeneane found out that I was there and hadn't come she was upset with me. I felt so bad, but it is so hard to be able to do everything you want to do in the short amount of time you have. Well then I accidentally called Mama Boyles old, but it wasn't intentional. Cause she isn't old at all. Then I got myself in big trouble with the Smith's who are like my third family. I was supposed to spend some time with them this weekend and that fell through as well. I tell you, I need more me's and more time.

Well with the possibility of moving back there in a year, I will be visiting more often to look for a job and a place to live. So I know I can make it up to all those people. If any of you are reading this, please accept my apologies and know that I be back and see you.

I Hear America Singing

Walt Whitman

I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear,
Those of mechanics, each one singing his as it should be blithe and strong,
THe carpenter singing his as he measures his plank or beam,
The mason singing his as he makes ready for work, or leaves off work,
The boatman singing what belongs to him in his boat, the deck-hand singing on the steamboat deck,
The shoemaker singing as he sits on his bench, the hatter singing as he stands,
The wood-cutter's song, the ploughboy's on his way in the morning, or at noon intermission or at sundown,
The delicious singing what belongs to him or her and to none else,
The day what belongs to the day--at night the party of young fellows, robust, friendly,
Singing with open mouths their strong melodious songs.

I love this poem, it makes you forget for a little about all the mess that is America and remember what it used to be. Keep singing AMERICA!!!

Veterans Day!!!

THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE SERVED AND LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR OUR FREEDOM!!!! I am very honored and proud of you. Thank you PopPop, Justin and Grandpop.

I am beginning to go absolutely crazy!!!! I have already worked 50 hours this week and will be at work tomorrow. I am working three different positions and today I am suffering from the worst headache in forever. I have a ton of filing to do and I just don't have the energy to do it right now and tomorrow will be working in the supply room. Can't I just go HOME (to Heaven)?

So I finally got my school book that I had ordered four and a half weeks ago. I had to file fraud charges against the first organization that I purchased from because I never received the book but was charged for it. I just had to buy another one and received in right on time like they said. I am a little peeved though because this feels like my year of hell on earth. I have been mugged, had my checking account cleared out by fraud, been cheated by a couple of organizations and right now I have the worst headache and just can't seem to get rid of it.

So anyway, I took a little bit of a leap and registered for eHarmony. I can't seem to find the kind of guy I am looking for by just looking and one of my friends had tried this and ended up meeting the man she married. I am a little scared by it but willing to try it. I am still not over this guy that I have liked forever so I figure if I do this and actually meet someone that will help. In some ways it scares me to do this because I don't want to be unfair to whoever I may meet by making them think I am using them. I am open to the experience but also...man I don't know. I just wish this other guy would just get married and that God would do to me what happened in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". I so want to be over him but I find myself coming back to him again and again. LEAVE MY MIND JMB!!!! I DON'T WANT YOU IN THERE!!!! I WANT A CHANCE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS AND YOU WON'T LET ME!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LIE TO ME IN COLLEGE? IT WOULD HAVE MADE EVERYTHING EASIER. Oh well such is life and I will live on.

What is this world coming too?

On my way to work this morning I was hit with the realization that at anytime Christ could come back and the world as we know it would end.

When we ride the Metro here in D.C. we are given a free condensed version of the Washington Post. I was reading through the articles when I came across one that really got me thinking about the end of the world and where I stand.

Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for Israel to be "wiped off the map" claiming that a new wave of Palestinian attacks "will wipe this stigma from the face of the Islamic world." I always new the end times where in the future but I never really thought about the possiblity of it happening in my life time. I guess no one ever does, they look forward to the rapture but they just hope that it will happen to the next generation and not theirs.

Biblically to attempt to utterly destroy Israel, God's chosen people/nation, is to bring on the end of the world. God will never allow His chosen one's to be destroyed. I almost felt like I was reading the first chapter of one of those left behind books. However it made me think about my life and how I am living it now and how I can make a difference. (more to come...)

Des Moines, Iowa

I just spent a marvelous weekend with my Best Friend Beth in Des Moines, Iowa. We had such a good time. We spent most of our time just hanging out and trying to capture every minute possible. On Saturday, I met her boyfriend Shawn and went for a hayride at her Aunt and Uncle's house. Isn't she beautiful and you can tell we went for a hayride because of the hay bits in our hair.

We had such a good time. On Sunday I went to church with her, it was my first experience attending an African American church. Shawn preached on the meaning of AWANA. It was really neat. Then after church we headed out to her Grandparents for lunch. Beth has the coolest Grandparents. Her grandfather used to be a cowboy and they play the harmonica together. Her Grandma is just the sweetest person you will ever meet. I was so honored to have gotten the chance to meet them, I remember in college they were all Beth could talk about. After lunch we ended up meeting up with her Aunt and Uncle to go shopping at a mall. Beth got a really cute outfit and I got this great tam. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It was really good but I was stuffed afterwards. Beth could barely get a bite down since it hadn't been that long since our big lunch and she has such a small stomache :-). The next day was Monday and Beth had to work. I took her in and then went next door to grab some coffee.

The people in Iowa are so nice. There were a couple of older ladies in there and they came up and started chatting with me. They wanted to know where I was from and what brought me there and if I was enjoying myself. It was so sweet. I ended up spending most of the day just relaxing and taking a nap. I met Beth for lunch and then picked her up from work around 4:30 PM. We then met up with Shawn and went to a really neat restaraunt where you pick all your makings and they grill it for you and give it back. It was really neat and I walked away very stuffed. Then we went to this second hand book store and I got 14, I think original, Ian Fleming James Bond books. I am so excited to read them. Then Beth and I hit up our usual spot at Barnes & Nobles. We bought leather journals and grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to start journaling. It was so much fun.

Oh while we were out that night, someone from the airline called me to tell me that my flight had been canceled and that I had to pick a new time of either 6:49 AM or 1:24 PM. I was so mad because the original time was 8:48 AM and changing it all around really messed with all of our schedules. Well anyway we did make it and I was very sad to leave. I was glad that Shawn came with us though because I wouldn't have wanted Beth to be all by herself after I left.

I miss you my dearest Beth!!

Birches

Birches
Robert Frost

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy’s been swinging them.
But swinging doesn’t bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun’s warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You’d think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows—
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father’s trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It’s when I’m weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig’s having lashed across it open.
I’d like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love:
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.
I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

"Shattered"-a moratorium to love and mankind

"The Haunted Mind"-Nathaniel Hawthorne

In the depths of every heart, there is a tomb and a dungeon, though the lights, the music, and revelry above may cause us to forget their existence, and the buried ones, or prisoners whom they hide.

Ripping
Tearing
Shredding
Splitting
Burnt
Tired of hurting
Tired of giving
Tired of being taken advantage of
Want my own turn for
Happiness
Joy
Love
Relationship
BETRAYED by "freinds"! The ultimate scorn, but do I crumble???

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST ACTRESS!!!!!!

A heart trampled and crushed! The only healer is Jesus, is she would just go to Him. But right now she is too ashamed, feels too much like a failure to present herself a shattered human, yearning for fixing yet again.

STOP THE WORLD AND LET ME OFF PLEASE!!!!!

I can't handle heartache anymore, I just want to be loved!!!

Look at her go

she's picking up the pieces

attempting to put them back together

best as she knows how

trying to cover the pain so blantant inside

She saw it coming

saw it start to fall

saw her dream start to fade and disappear

all the things she'd dreamed of and hoped for

they had come undone

they SHATTERED!!!

She never knew what it felt like to be shattered till she saw you with your arm around another. What was left of her already broken heart shattered into pieces and she knows it will never be put back together again.

Look But Not Touch

I've watched you for forever

But you've never noticed me, not ever

I would have given you my love

If you'd given me a chance

I could've been everything you wanted

but you didn't even give me a passing glance.

I will always look but not touch

I will always see you in my dreams

but for me

you will never be reality

I will always look but not touch

i will watch you from a distance

you will always be someone I dream of...

BUT NOT TOUCH

He paid the price!!

This is a poem/song that I wrote a very long time ago.

From the day He was born

Till the day He wore that crown of thorns

The Lord on high

Meant for Him to die

and although

We did not know

He was meant to be our sacrifice

meant to come and pay the price

for our sin

He paid the price for our sins.

And now we know

He came to wash us white as snow

through all His pain

we did greatly gain

we should live our lives

as constant reminders

that He came to pay the price

to be our sacrifice

for our sin

oh won't you let Him in.

The way to start

let Him in your heart

and then you'll know

how much He loves you so

if you let Him in

He'll cleanse you of past sin

He will walk with you all the while

and carry you through every trial

He'll make you white as snow

oh how He loves us all so.

Internet Access At LAST!!!!!

I finally got my wireless router set up so that I can get online. It feels weird to be online and know that I don't have to get off because I am no longer hogging the phone line.

GUESS WHAT?!?!?! I got a picture of Buzz Aldrin, the man who landed on the moon with Neil Armstrong. Besides Neil he is the one other person I would die to meet. I didn't actually get to talk to him but I was able to get his picture. He was participating in a book signing at the National book fair on the National Mall. It was the most amazing experience.

So I am learning to speak Scottish Gaelic. It is really hard. I can say how are you? and I'm fine thank you. Ciamar a tha sibh? pronounced caymur uh ha shiv. Tha gu math, tapadh leat. pronounced ha gu ma, tapa lev. Isn't that cool. Anyway...

Beautiful Dreamer....

I dream of a place where there is NO PAIN, where the sun shines all the time, where people don't know the meaning of hate. I dream of a place with blue skies, green grass, turquoise water and brightly colored flowers. I dream of getting away from it all and never having to think or do anything again. I dream of finding the happiness that so many others around me are finding.

Have you ever wanted something so bad but it seems like no matter what you do you just can't seem to get your fingers on it. Have you ever felt so inadequate that you wonder sometimes why people would ever think about what you have to say. Anyways....enough moping!!

If you can't tell that I am a very proud mother right now then you are probably not very bright ;-). Fia is adjusting well to her new home and we are having a lot of fun together. She has learned how to climb the ladder to my partial loft bed and she crawls into my bed every night. The getting down part is where she is still having trouble. She will meow and mewl until I get out of bed and put her on the floor. During the day this isn't a problem as I am obviously awake, however when she decides she wants to get down at 12 am or 2 am in the morning I am not very happy with her. Here's another picture of my beautiful baby girl.



What in the world are the people who chose the next thinking?????? A blonde Bond?!?!?! I can't believe it!!! This new guy doesn't even look like a Bond. I am really dissapointed. I think they could have done a lot better with their selection. Oh well the ranting is done.

She has a name

My little baby girl has finally been named. Her name is Fia, it is gaelic and means dark of peace.

So anyway, today has been crazy. I was up at 5:30 AM for work and by 9:00 AM I was exhausted and ready for bed again. We have 4 different meetings taking place on site at our facility today that we are setting up catering for. All 4 had breakfast and lunch at the same time so it was absolutely ridiculous trying to juggle who would get what when. I am so looking forward to leaving work early today. Love you and miss you Beth!!!!

Horn Honking

CAN ANYONE ANSWER ME THIS?????!!!!! Why do people trapped in dead traffic think that laying on their horns will make it move!?!?!? It doesn't work, you are all trapped in the same place so sit back, turn up the music and think peaceful thoughts and you will make it through without being stupid, ignorant, and arrogant.

So anyways...I got a kitten!!! I finally have someone to come home to make my life a little less lonely. She doesn't have a name yet but I am working on it. I want it to be a Gaelic name and I have a couple of ideas but no definites yet. I was thinking possibly, Ina, Iona, Isla, Akera, Adara and there was one other that I can't remember off the top of my head. Isn't she the most beautiful kitten in the world? (but then I'm partial ;-) )

My Dearest Friend Beth

Well now, I will tell the world that I have one of the best friends in the World!!!! Her name is Beth and she set me up on this blog. I am not usually that great at journaling so we will give this a shot and see what will happen. I guess I will start by posting one of my favorite poems.

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and
Joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds
And done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of
Wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence.
Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along,
And flung my eager craft
Through footless halls of air…
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights
With easy grace
Where never lark not ever eagle flew
And, while with silent lifting mind
I’ve trod the high untrespassed sanctity of space…

Put out my hand,…

and touched the face of GOD.

Not sure who to give the credit of this poem to but as soon as I find out I will be sure to post it.