God speaks through music that I so desperately needed to hear

Okay I hit rock bottom the other day and realized the only thing I had left in life to live for was God. I had reached the point with all the crap going on in my life that the only thing left for me to do was to believe in God because if I didn't believe in Him then I would be utterly hopelessly and completely without any reason to live. The next day I started looking at things and life through the eyes of a person who realized that no matter how much they sucked and wanted to try so hard to make everything right they couldn't. The only person who could was the only thing I believed in at the moment. God brought a dear friend back into my life at a time when I was no longer praying for them, I had utterly given up any hope of being friends or ever finding this person again. He also gave me a new friend who is going through a very similar if not the same situation that I am. God and only God knew exactly what I needed without me having to say a word. He is the only explanation I can make from what has happened since Thanksgiving.

Then this evening while downloading music I was listening to my iPod and the first two songs to play were ones I so desperately needed to hear and be reminded of. Now I am not saying life is a bed of roses, it still sucks, I still wish that I could crawl into bed and never get out but there is some hope and I know that I am not on my own. He is there and when I am least able to hold myself up He is holding me.

Praise You in This Storm
By Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

WHO AM I? By Casting Crowns
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am. (I am)
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Bridge&Chorus 2x

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

I GIVE UP!

In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day

I started reading my Pastor’s book yesterday. I think I was avoiding it for awhile because I knew that when I read it I would have to face the lions in my life and start chasing them instead of running away. I think I was waiting and hoping that God would just fix me without me having to do anything. But it doesn’t work that way, I have to be first willing to be fixed and then willing to look at my life and realize what it is that needs fixed and then take before my Father and ask Him to help me fix as only He can. I don’t know why it takes me so long to figure things out like this. I mean maybe it helps to have that constant reminder of the wreck and pathetic mess of a human being I become when I try to do it myself. All I can say is, and I know I’ve said it before, but I AM SO GLAD THAT MY FATHER NEVER LETS ME OUT OF HIS HAND!!!!

Some good points that I came across while reading the first 3 chapters.
1. God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like the wrong time.
2. Too often our prayers revolve around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives. We want everything in our favor. But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so we can experience a miracle of divine proportions. Maybe faith is trusting God no matter how impossible the odds are. Maybe our impossible situations are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God’s glory.
3. A.W. Tozer “A low vie of God…is the cause of a hundred lesser evils.” But a person with a high view of God “is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems.”
4. Maybe it’s time to stop placing four-dimensional limits on God.
Maybe it’s time to stop putting God in a box the size of your cerebral cortex. Maybe it’s time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His.
5. The more we grow, the bigger God should get. And the bigger God gets, the smaller our lions will become.
6. How you think of God will determine who you become.
7. Half of spiritual grow is learning what we don’t know. The other half is unlearning what we do know.
8. It is the failure to unlearn irrational fears and misconceptions that keeps us from becoming who God wants us to be.
9. When we read Scripture, our brains are rewired in alignment with the Word, and we develop the mind of Christ.

So long, farewell, come back soon!!

So recently a good friend finished his four year stint in the Marines. We were all excited for him but at the same time very saddened. Kurt is originally from Green Bay, Wisconsin which is over 900 miles from Washington, DC. He has garnered many close friends here and we are very sad to see him leave. He's probably one of the few people I know who had not one but multiple good-bye parties. We will miss him greatly here in DC and will pray for him to return home to us all soon.

Eijit

Now about 5 or 6 years ago, I “invented” this word, thinking it was a great term for an idiot without calling someone it and them knowing what I meant. However while visiting in Scotland this past Sept. I discovered to my dismay and awe that I was not the original inventor. I was up in the Orkney Islands and had stopped to shop in a quaint little town. Well there were these cute little mugs with terms on them and their definitions, kind of like our mugs that make use of American slang. Well as I was reading over the terms I came upon one that I knew by heart. It was EIJIT!!! And the definition was……drum roll please……rat a tat a tat……a person who is considered to be an idiot!!

All I could think was how in the world, say what?!?! It was incredulous. A word that I thought I had invented was Scottish slang for the same word that I had created it to be for. (make sense?:-) or am I confusing everyone?) I was shocked and amazed because I had never been to Scotland before, I know that my Grandmum had never used the word and I know that the only Scottish brogue I had ever heard was Sean Connery’s and I hadn’t heard him use it. Nothing like vicariously living as a Scot without knowing it. WHOO HOO!!! I most definitely am Scottish!!