Worst Dream

I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamed that my Brother got called back up, but was so afraid to tell us. I figured it out because he buzzed his head to a military cut. I know that he hates that cut and since having got out of the military has let it grow long and curly. So I told my family that the only explanation was that he was called up to serve and didn't know how to tell us. Then I dreamed that I was so angry, frustrated and worried that I applied to the State Department to work as an Admin. in some offices over in Baghdad, just so that I could stay near him. I woke up filled with so much anxiety and just literally wanting to cry. I HATE THIS BLASTED WAR and if I felt right saying other words I would do so here as well! Why can't Bush listen to the smarter people in the government and the Nation that elected him. WE WANT OUT OF THIS GOSH DARNED BLASTED WAR!!!

BRING OUR MEN HOME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOOOOO PATS!!!!!!!!

Playoffs have started and my beloved Patriots are right back in the thick of things. WE CREAMED the Jets on Sunday and this weekend we take on the San Diego Chargers.

waxing frustrated angry and political

Okay I don't think I have ever really used this blog to voice my political convictions before but I am so angry and frustrated right now. I recently found out over Christmas that pres. bush authorized the recall of inactive duty Marines. This pertains to Marines who are in the 2 and 3 year period of their 4 years after discharge on call period. My Brother is in this period and I AM ANGY. These recalls are to begin this Spring of '07 and I DO NOT WANT MY BROTHER BACK THERE!!! He has already served in the s#@thole IRAQ twice and the military has "conveniently" forgetten to note that on his records. My brother is already having a heck of a time getting into the VFW because of this. THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A VETERAN!! I really hope the Democrats can make a difference and I hope that Bush will listen to their wisdom and GET US OUT OF THERE BEFORE WE LOSE TOO MANY MORE MEN TO ANOTHER COUNTRY'S CIVIL WAR!!!
here is an article regarding what I am talking about. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/08/22/marine.recall/index.html

It's that time of year...

You know what I'm talking about! That time when everyone decides, with the best of intentions, to make New Year resolution's that will change their lives and better the world.

But why is that less than a month or two later, we have already forgotten what it was we wanted to do or in fact just given up. Don't people ever get tired of the thought of failing that they really do want to stick to it and finish something?

I for one am tired of making resolutions only to give up a couple of weeks later. So this year, I intend to do something about it. I am almost 27 years old and tired of the monotony of life. So my goals (not resolutions) are as follows:

1. Take risks and find fun in life.
2. Stick with the gym for real this time.
3. Lose the 20 lbs I gained after college.
4. Enter and complete one marathon. (whether it be a short or full-length one)
5. Let go of the past and move forward.
6. Proceed with getting my ancestry visa.
7. Graduate from being a contracted employee to the Gov't, to being a Gov't employee (better benefits)
8. Honestly make a concerted effort to read my Bible every day.
9. Write at least one letter to a friend or family member a month.
10. Travel to Arizona to visit with my Aunt and her husband.
...will finish this post later when I have more time to think.

Happy New Year's from our Nation's Capital.

*aside* how sad is it that I am glad I get Tuesday off. I mean I feel terrible for the Ford family but all it means for me is an extra day off. Oy I really need to rethink my thought proccess.

YIPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For all of you who know me, know that I am a big theatre person. My major in college was communications focusing on the dramatic arts. Well since college the only "acting" I have done is making it through each day of life. Well this past Sunday I tried out, along with 20 other folks to get a role in Godspell.

I found out today that I was cast as one of the eight parts. I AM SO STINKIN EXCITED!!! It is a musical and I get to put my musical talents as well as my theatrical talents to use!!! I am so very very excited, as if you couldn't tell!

Taking back the Margins, regaining “Control”

I have decided/realized that I need to regain “control” of my life. So with that in mind, I have taken a six month leave of absence from Grad School, dropped to one day a week at my part-time job and tried out for my church’s production of Godspell. I have also started going to the gym three to four times a week and put myself on a low-cal high protein diet. I am weighing myself once a month but not focusing to much on that as it is more about liking my body than being a light-weight.

It is time I start doing what I would like to do and focusing on me, to be selfish for a bit, and not everyone else. I found that the more I kept trying to make others lives easier the harder mine got and the sicker I became.

Let me tell you, the minute I turned in the leave of absence and verbalized to my boss that I needed to cut back, it was like this HUGE weight had lifted off my shoulder. Now what would be even nicer, is to have what my friend Elizabeth has. (*aside* J LOVE YOU GIRL and I am only jealous in a good way. I really think you needed this and am happy that God has given it to you. Its funny how we as humans won’t do what we know is good for us because we are so afraid of what others think.)

So anyway, my Mum has decided to give it one more go and I have promised to play mediator to their discussions. Please pray that my Mum will talk to my Dad in a way that shows that she does love him and that my Dad will listen, absorb and open up to her. I know they love each other but they are both going to have to give in order to get what they want. That’s what marriage is, isn’t it, a team effort, a relationship of compromises and sacrifices. We’ll see, I just know I can’t handle having to go through another separation threat. This one was so real it was scary and I had no idea what I was going to do.

I thank God for all my friends though, who surrounded me with love and prayers. There is no way I would have made it through the pit without them and God.

Oh and another new skill I learned I had…making bows. Since I discovered it, I have been making bows for people almost everyday. Christmas is like the one holiday that the whole Pentagon gets into. Everyone, and I mean everyone, decorates their doors.

God speaks through music that I so desperately needed to hear

Okay I hit rock bottom the other day and realized the only thing I had left in life to live for was God. I had reached the point with all the crap going on in my life that the only thing left for me to do was to believe in God because if I didn't believe in Him then I would be utterly hopelessly and completely without any reason to live. The next day I started looking at things and life through the eyes of a person who realized that no matter how much they sucked and wanted to try so hard to make everything right they couldn't. The only person who could was the only thing I believed in at the moment. God brought a dear friend back into my life at a time when I was no longer praying for them, I had utterly given up any hope of being friends or ever finding this person again. He also gave me a new friend who is going through a very similar if not the same situation that I am. God and only God knew exactly what I needed without me having to say a word. He is the only explanation I can make from what has happened since Thanksgiving.

Then this evening while downloading music I was listening to my iPod and the first two songs to play were ones I so desperately needed to hear and be reminded of. Now I am not saying life is a bed of roses, it still sucks, I still wish that I could crawl into bed and never get out but there is some hope and I know that I am not on my own. He is there and when I am least able to hold myself up He is holding me.

Praise You in This Storm
By Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

WHO AM I? By Casting Crowns
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am. (I am)
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Bridge&Chorus 2x

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

I GIVE UP!

In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day

I started reading my Pastor’s book yesterday. I think I was avoiding it for awhile because I knew that when I read it I would have to face the lions in my life and start chasing them instead of running away. I think I was waiting and hoping that God would just fix me without me having to do anything. But it doesn’t work that way, I have to be first willing to be fixed and then willing to look at my life and realize what it is that needs fixed and then take before my Father and ask Him to help me fix as only He can. I don’t know why it takes me so long to figure things out like this. I mean maybe it helps to have that constant reminder of the wreck and pathetic mess of a human being I become when I try to do it myself. All I can say is, and I know I’ve said it before, but I AM SO GLAD THAT MY FATHER NEVER LETS ME OUT OF HIS HAND!!!!

Some good points that I came across while reading the first 3 chapters.
1. God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like the wrong time.
2. Too often our prayers revolve around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives. We want everything in our favor. But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so we can experience a miracle of divine proportions. Maybe faith is trusting God no matter how impossible the odds are. Maybe our impossible situations are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God’s glory.
3. A.W. Tozer “A low vie of God…is the cause of a hundred lesser evils.” But a person with a high view of God “is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems.”
4. Maybe it’s time to stop placing four-dimensional limits on God.
Maybe it’s time to stop putting God in a box the size of your cerebral cortex. Maybe it’s time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His.
5. The more we grow, the bigger God should get. And the bigger God gets, the smaller our lions will become.
6. How you think of God will determine who you become.
7. Half of spiritual grow is learning what we don’t know. The other half is unlearning what we do know.
8. It is the failure to unlearn irrational fears and misconceptions that keeps us from becoming who God wants us to be.
9. When we read Scripture, our brains are rewired in alignment with the Word, and we develop the mind of Christ.

So long, farewell, come back soon!!

So recently a good friend finished his four year stint in the Marines. We were all excited for him but at the same time very saddened. Kurt is originally from Green Bay, Wisconsin which is over 900 miles from Washington, DC. He has garnered many close friends here and we are very sad to see him leave. He's probably one of the few people I know who had not one but multiple good-bye parties. We will miss him greatly here in DC and will pray for him to return home to us all soon.

Eijit

Now about 5 or 6 years ago, I “invented” this word, thinking it was a great term for an idiot without calling someone it and them knowing what I meant. However while visiting in Scotland this past Sept. I discovered to my dismay and awe that I was not the original inventor. I was up in the Orkney Islands and had stopped to shop in a quaint little town. Well there were these cute little mugs with terms on them and their definitions, kind of like our mugs that make use of American slang. Well as I was reading over the terms I came upon one that I knew by heart. It was EIJIT!!! And the definition was……drum roll please……rat a tat a tat……a person who is considered to be an idiot!!

All I could think was how in the world, say what?!?! It was incredulous. A word that I thought I had invented was Scottish slang for the same word that I had created it to be for. (make sense?:-) or am I confusing everyone?) I was shocked and amazed because I had never been to Scotland before, I know that my Grandmum had never used the word and I know that the only Scottish brogue I had ever heard was Sean Connery’s and I hadn’t heard him use it. Nothing like vicariously living as a Scot without knowing it. WHOO HOO!!! I most definitely am Scottish!!

MY COMPUTER DIED!!!!!!!!!!

This could be the last of my entries for a short while, until I figure out the problem and get back online. PLEASE PRAY HARD THAT GOD will reinstate my computer.

MY COMPUTER DIED!!!!!!!!!!

This could be the last of my entries for a short while, until I figure out the problem and get back online. PLEASE PRAY HARD THAT GOD will reinstate my computer.

A few of my favorites

These are a few of my favorite photos from Scotland

Daisies at Dunvegan Castle

Boat on Loch Lomond

Leaving Skara Brae

Butterfly, bumblebees and a flower

Loch Lomond

(this is the place where I go when I want to get away from the world and dream of "home")

Next year I can see this place whenever I want. It is only about an hour from Glasgow. I can't wait until the day when I am finally at "home."

New Developments

So it seems as I age I garner allergies to me. Before I turned 21 years of age, I had never had an allergy in my life. The only thing “wrong” with me was that I was extremely accident prone. However when I turned 21, it’s like my body flipped a switch. I started having major problems with dairy to the point that I went from a size 10 to a size 4 in one month. Now for some folks they’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with that, I would love that to happen. Yeah well let me just say you would not want it to happen the way it happened to me. I was sick all the time and suffering from severe lactose intolerance until they figured that for the problem. So dairy was cut from my diet. I went out for a hike with some friends and discovered a weird allergy to some weird mushroom that grows off the side of trees in the woods. That was whack! I couldn’t breathe and my face and eyes swelled.

Now I have discovered I have a sensitivity to latex and adhesive. I keep discovering these things due to reactions and not getting tested. Well last night I had an allergic reaction to something I ate. It was awful! I was itching everywhere and anywhere it was possible to. I mean my eyes, my hair, my feet and well just EVERYWHERE. I have decided that it is time to take action and set up and appointment with an allergist. I want to know what all my allergies are before I accidentally discover one that may or may not be life threatening. Oh and Benadryl makes my very sleepy and the side effects last forever on me. YIKES!!!

On a good note though, my friend Pete from college is coming into town this Thursday and Friday. I am very excited as I haven’t seen him since he graduated from college back in, boy I think it was ’04. He is going to be attending a seminar my Pastor is giving on right-brained preaching and then meeting with him and a couple of other Pastor’s the next morning. I am looking forward to having a little bit of time to catch up with him.

And yet another thought/question…

Being right-brained means using the creative portion of your brain rather than the left-brain which is everything done from rote memory and habit. What do you think the Christian’s responsibility to being right-brained should be? Do we have a responsibility to be creative with the knowledge and abilities God has given us and if so why do most Christians instead choose to hide this portion of who they are? Has the “Christian” church taught the children of God that to be creative is to be a sinner? Why don’t more Christians take the unique and wonderful gifts, that God has created each of His images to have, and use them to further His Word and Will? Just some thoughts/questions from someone who grew up in and went to school in an environment where the staid and true was pushed rather than the creative and unique.

The Weekend Update :-)

What a weekend! On Sat. I met up with two friends for breakfast and then we headed to Gettysburg, PA to do some “hiking”. I say that in quotes because we didn’t really end up hiking as much as just exploring Gettysburg again. I hadn’t been there since I was twelve and JennO had never been there. Kurt who had just been there about two weeks ago drove and gave us the shortened auto tour. We did get out and walk about for a bit, climbed Little Round Top and Big Round Top too. I will post some pictures when I can get them. It was a good time and when we got back we changed real quick and met up with one more friend to go to the Washington Capitals hockey match. I hadn’t been to a hockey match since I was in 9th grade. I actually really enjoyed it!

Sunday, I worked at the café until mid-afternoon. I met with my small group after work and then headed home. I hung out with my roomie and the down stairs roomie for a bit then we all headed downstairs to catch the Eagles/Cowboys game. Now I can’t stand either team but I really can’t stand T.O. more than I can’t stand the Eagles. So all that to say that I was eagerly cheering for the Eagles to cream the Cowboys and rub it in T.O.’s face for the way he screwed them over last year. And boy did they ever! It was a great game and a close game all the way to the final seconds. By then I was utterly exhausted and headed upstairs to nap before going to my other small group. Well I was so exhausted I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off. I ended up sleeping right through it. I got up around 9pm and chatted with my other downstairs roomie for a bit and then hit the sack again at 11pm.

Monday I had to open the café but I didn’t have to go to my full-time job!! That was great! So I got done at the café and went home and went back to bed until 11am. It felt so wonderful. I got up and went to the Portrait Gallery with my friend Kurt and then headed back home and chilled and cleaned until I headed back into the café for the small group that I help out with. Over all it was a great weekend and I finally caught up on all that sleep that remained so elusive upon returning to the States.

GIRLS

Found this one someone's myspace and thought it was perfect and right. :-)

------------------------Girls------------------------
-------------------are like apples-------------------
---------------on trees. The best ones--------------
--------------are at the top of the tree.-------------
-----------The boys don’t want to reach------------
---------for the good ones because they’re----------
- --------afraid of falling and getting hurt.-----------
--------Instead, they get the rotten apples----------
----from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy.---
So the apples up top think something wrong w/ them
-----when in reality they're amazing. They just------
--------have to wait for the right boy to -------------
-----------come along, the one who's----------------
---------------brave enough to----------------------
------------------climb all---------------------------
------------------the way---------------------------
-----------------to the top--------------------------
----------------of the tree.--------------------------

The little hints!

Its funny how when God decides He wants you to realize something or remember something, He just keeps impressing it upon you. Not only through reading His Word but through what your friends tell you and even when watching a random tape that you’ve seen before and kind of just sit through a second time.

JAMES 1:2-27
2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.

7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,

8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position;

10 and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away.

11 For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

13 Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.

14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.

17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

18 In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

19 This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

21 Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.

22 But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.

23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror;

24 for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.

25 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

26 If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless.
27 Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep ones self unstained by the world.

IN A PIT WITH A LION ON A SNOWY DAY

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day is a great book for everyone to take a moment and read. Mark Batterson takes a portion of Scripture from 2 Samuel, that most people miss when reading, and shows the implications for our lives today. It is an enjoyable yet challenging read written by a man who does his best to chase his Lions in a way that others can watch and learn. Go forward, learn to face your Lion and then chase HIM!

Book Description

Your greatest regret at the end of your life will be the lions you didn't chase. You will regret the risks not taken, the opportunities not seized, and the dreams not pursued. Stopping running away from what scares you most and start chasing the God-ordained opportunities that cross your path.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day is inspired by one of the most obscure yet courageous acts recorded in Scripture (II Samuel 23:20-21): Benaiah chased a lion down into a pit. Then, despite the snow and slippery ground, he caught the lion and killed it.

Unleash the lion chaser within!

Author Bio
Mark Batterson serves as lead pastor of National Community Church (www.theaterchurch.com) in Washington, DC, and is a daily blogger @ www.evotional.com. Mark lives on Capitol Hill with his wife Lora and their three children.

An excerpt from In a Pit,

"Is anybody else tired of reactive Christianity that is more known
for what it’s against than what it’s for? We’ve become far too defensive.
We’ve become far too passive. Lion chasers are proactive. They know
that playing it safe is risky. Lion chasers are always on the lookout for
God-ordained opportunities.

Maybe we’ve measured spiritual maturity the wrong way. Maybe
following Christ isn’t supposed to be as safe or as civilized as we’ve been
led to believe. Maybe Christ was more dangerous and uncivilized than our
Sunday-school flannelgraphs portrayed. Maybe God is raising up a
generation of lion chasers."

Editor, Producer, Director

Lights
Camera
and...
ACTION

Cry of a newborn
New
Life
Infancy

Childhood
Scrapes
Bruises
Bumps

School
"First
Love"
Bible
Stories
Sunday School

New
Faith
New
Life
Second
Chance

Fall
Down
Get
Up
Again

Stop
Wait
Didn't
Mean
To do
That

I'm
Sorry
Cut
Splice
Edit...

ROLL
Tape!

Middle
School
Bullies
Basketball
Youth
Group

Take
His
Name in
Vain
Regret
Pain
I'm
Sorry

Cut
Edit
Splice

ROLL
Tape!

Junior
High
First
Date

Vandelize
Make
Mistakes
Stray
From the
One
Who
LOVES...

Graduation
Comes
Goes
Bible
College
still
not
right
great
act
noone
knows

Graduation
REAL
LIFE
HITS
HARD...

Why
Did I
Walk
Away?

Renewed
Faith
I'm
Sorry
Please
Forgive

Vut
Edit
Splice

ROLL
Tape!

Work
Serious
Relationship
further
education
slowly
forget
but not
leave

Slow
Steady
Returne
Help Keep
Me onh
Track

Please
Forgive
Cut
Edit
Splice

ROLL
Tape!

New
Marraige
Selflessness
A New
Way

Begin
To Understand
chirst's
Love

Seek to
Glorify
Honor
His Name!

ROLL
ROLL
ROLL
This is
Greast!
Exactly
What I
Want
From YOU!!!

Now You
Got IT
ROLL
ROLL
ROLL

Children
Godly
Discipline
Life
Rolls
Rapidly
By!

They all
Leave
Have
Families
of their
Own

Zoom in
For the
Final
Scene

FINAL
Breathe!
As you
View
Heaven's
Gates

And...
That's...
a
WRAP!!!

CUT
EDIT
SPLICE!!!!

COMPLETE

He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it.