my first mani

So I got my very first manicure today. It was really nice, I think that it is something I may have to treat myself to more often.

So anyway, is it possible to be ecstatic out of your mind and yet sad at heart at the same time? I found out that another of my friends is pregnant and I just...well I guess with all the wedding stuff going on and the lack of sleep it overwhelmed me. I just wish that I could find that same happiness that so many of my friends have been blessed to find. I get frustrated sometimes that I am doing something wrong or that something is wrong with me but...I don't know. I keep telling myself that I am God's child and He has promised to give me everything that is good and glorifying to Him. I also know that the desires of my heart, if I am following Him, are the desires which He has placed in me. I guess I am just an extremely impatient person. I want it now and am struggling with the continuing waiting game.

My other dilemma is that I think I make myself too much of a friend to guys that they just never move to the next step because I am just not a threat and can be a friend. It's frustrating!! That may or may not be true but it seems to me that it is true. The actual harder thing is when my friends guys tell me that I am great and they don't know why someone hasn't snatched me up yet. I know they mean it as a compliment but it actually hurts. Oh well such is life.

I dream of a day when I can find the happiness that so many others have found, when I can serve and love someone, that I can start a family and new life with. I look forward to the next great adventure in life where I can grow with someone and together in our relationship with God. Someday I know it will happen, I know that God promises that and I will continue to cling to that promise and pray in faith for it to happen. (how does one pray in faith? I am really not sure but I will do my best)